This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
