Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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