I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
