She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
