we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
