my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
