My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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