its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
