Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
