i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
