I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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