i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
