I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you win again, gameday.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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