with your own penis?
I think I died a long time ago.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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