I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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