i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize