why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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