I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
