i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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