very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
it's like heaven, but drunker
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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