My room smells like vodka and shame
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
