I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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