I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
