How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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