I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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