Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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