either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
