hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
