i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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