He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
