She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
