It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
