he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
