Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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