I cannot find my penis.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
