Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
