I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
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i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
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this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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