Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
