she woke up with a sticky ear
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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