last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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