Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
