i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
