I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
