6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I puked a lego.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Randomize
