i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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