is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize