I have demons in me.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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