it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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