don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
