its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
