We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
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i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
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I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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