i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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