we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
