so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
