All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
