If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
