Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
