Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
