i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
