New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
