nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
