We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
