You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
His hands were made for my vagina.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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