I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
