i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
