I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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