in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
