it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
