Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
as a side note pls kill me
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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