Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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