Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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